The Poem
by Mrs.-Gil-Grissom
Summary: My first fanfic... Sara accidentally gives Grissom a poem instead of her two weeks notice... Will this make him come to terms with his feelings? ITs better than this summary sounds.
1. Default Chapter

I see you everyday

More than you know

I see straight through you

Deep into your soul.  
Why have we drifted apart

Why wont you let me in

I'm not asking for a ring

I just want to be your friend.  
I hate not talking like we did before

I hate not having you near

You barely even look at me

You probably don't realize

I am still here.  
I have loved you

Longer than I have breathed

And this love I feel for you

Even Shakespeare couldn't believe.  
I want to be with you

Whatever that means

Friendship or otherwise

I just want us to be.

There it was. Sitting in an envelope on his desk with his name on it. It was Sara's handwriting. He noticed that immediately. But why had she given it to him? Even more important question, why did the poem send a tear down his cheek. Well that one was obvious. The love he felt for her was unexplainable. Hence the reason he didn't pursue it. If he couldn't explain it, it was dangerous. And danger wasn't something he liked… at least this kind of danger.

"Hey, Griss. We got a problem." Brass said as he quickly stepped in and out of Grissom's office. His self pity would have to wait.

"Welcome to 'Crime Scene a la Police Station Steps'." Brass mocked. In front of them lay three dead reporters from various news channels. All of them very popular evening anchors.

Grissom pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. "Nicky… Get to the police station… No, that can wait… No! Get here now! I have a top priority here. Bring everybody." He slapped his phone shut, and grimaced at the sudden onset of butterflies in his stomach. Maybe he should call Nick back and tell him Sara didn't have to come. But that wouldn't work. Sara would think he didn't like the poem, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

The Tahoe pulled up. C.S.I.'s poured out like soup from a can. Various "Oh my God"s and "Isn't that…."s and so on came pouring out of their mouths. Everyone except Sara. She looked a little distracted. Grissom took in a deep breath. "Jim, can you explain this to them?" Brass nodded. Grissom walked over to Sara. "Can we talk?" Sara nodded. "I mean later. I mean this is a big scene. All hands on board. But I think people will become a little suspicious if we… the two of us just disappeared. Um… how about when we go on break? We'll go grab a bite to eat. Apparently we have a lot we need to talk about." Sara nodded and walked towards the dbs. Grissom sighed. It would be a million years until they could take a break. Maybe in that time he would work up the courage to tell her how he really feels.


	2. Sara Realizes her mistake

OK, sorry I forgot to do this last chapter. So here goes 

Dear Santa, I have been a very good girl this year. I would very much appreciate CSI… No, silly, not the DVDs… I would like the show. I would like more Grissom with out a shirt scenes and would like to have him and Sara get together because I will live vicariously through her. What? No? Man!

So apparently I own nothing. L

P.S. I fixed the first chapter… it looked funny to me. The first chapter was kind of a Grissom POV and this is a Sara POV… we'll see how it works

As she sat the envelope on his desk she breathed a sigh of relief. Games, teasing, playing around… It finally caught up and those words she had said so many years ago finally caught up with her. It really was too late and there was nothing she could do to change that.

She walked into the break room, grabbed a cup of Greg's Blue Hawaiian Coffee, grabbed her notebook and sat down. Pulling out the pen she began flipping through the pages. So many tears had been shed over these pages. He told her to find a hobby. So she did. Poetry. Granted all of it was about him, but it was still a hobby.

Flipping to the back, she noticed a loose page. She figured she ripped it out when she wrote her resignation. Then she looked closer and realized that this was her resignation. "No!" She all but screamed. She threw the spiral onto the couch and took off in a mad dash to Grissom's office. With any luck he hadn't seen it yet.

Half way to Grissom's office, Nick stopped her. "Grissom said there is some kind of high profile case. We are all supposed to stop whatever we are doing and go to the station. Come on. I'll drive." Sara, still panicky, let Nick lead her to the Tahoe. Then she relaxed as she realized if she kept a close eye on him, she could make sure he didn't see the poem.

She tried looking at Grissom just to acknowledge his presence but she felt nervous. She tried to look at the bodies but he was kneeling on one knee in front of them. Sara stiffled a small chuckle. How many times had she wished that had been him to her one day. On one knee with a ring.

She all but ran when he came walking up to her. "Can we talk?" He asked. She felt like she was going to either faint or vomit. She nodded. "I mean later. I mean this is a big scene. All hands on board. But I think people will become a little suspicious if we… the two of us just disappeared. Um… how about when we go on break? We'll go grab a bite to eat. Apparently we have a lot we need to talk about." Sara nodded and walked towards the corpses. Lovely, she thought. This is just what she needed. To be alone with him in a diner on a… She looked back at him, but he was concentrating on a witness… Did this clasify as a date? She would have to wait to find out.


	3. Confessions

OK... this one is going to be a little of both of their point of views but it wont be confusing... I dont think. 

Santa is still being stingy... so I still own nothing :( I'm sad

Neither one of them could concentrate on the scene at hand. They kept stealing glances at each other. He kept wondering why she would have given him the poem and she kept wondering if he read the poem.

Sara was sitting in the DNA lab waiting for Greg to finish with her stuff when Grissom popped up behind her. "Sara?" He asked. She turned around and saw him with bags in his hands. He started walking towards his office so she followed. After she walked in, he shut the door behind her. "I figured you wouldnt want to eat in a public place... I mean we do have a lot to talk about." He said as he pulled out a salad and handed it to her.

"I'm sorry Gil... I dont know what you are talking about." Sara said opening the plastic bowl.

"I like it when you do that." He said. She looked at him curiously. "When you call me Gil. I mustve heard a million people call me that before. But when you say it... its... I just like it."

"Whats going on Gr... Gil?" Sara asked.

"I think I finally figured it out." He said taking a bite of his own salad.

"Oh you did? What did you figure out?" She asked.

"What to do?" He said.

This was driving Sara crazy. "OK, Joker, I'll play. What to do about what?"

"Us." Simple. He just spit it out.

Sara almost choked on the mouth full of garden in her mouth. "Us?" She finally managed.

"Yeah. Us." He said in a soft, almost growl. He stood up and walked over towards her. He took her fork and bowl and set them on the desk. Squatting down in front of her he took her hands and looked into her eyes. "Could you ever forgive me for being such an egomanical entomologist?" The phrase was funny but his look was serious.

"Gil. I dont know." His head fell. "No look at me." She said cupping his chin. "You have no idea how long I have waited for this moment but the fact of the matter is that..." She dropped off. She stood up and walked over to the couch.

"What Sara? Tell me what I can do to get my best friend back." Gil said walking over towards her.

"Best friend!" She screamed. "Catherine is your best friend. I'm just some CSI that fell for you a hundred years ago when you were my teacher. I thought when you called me to come out here to Vegas that you wanted to pick up where we left off in San Fransisco but you just needed someone to do your dirty work. I used to be happy Gil. Have you noticed I dont smile anymore. I try but it hurts. It's like when you break your leg so you dont walk and you dont exercise those muscles and it hurts like hell. It hurts to smile because I havent had a reason to in so long." Tears began falling down her face.

Gil sat down beside her and began wiping away her tears. "I see you everyday." He began.

Sara shook her head feircly. "No." she wimpered. He had read it.

"More than you know. I see straight through you deep into your soul." He continued, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Stop. Please." Sara begged as he pulled her closer to him, her head now resting on his chest.

"Why have we drifted apart? Why wont I let YOU in?" He rephrased.

"You have it mixed up." She tried correcting him.

"No, Sara. I dont. Because that is something I have been asking myself for years. Why havent I let you in. And the only thing I can think of is I'm scared of you.


	4. All I need

Here we go with yet another enstallment... Let's hope you like it! 

Santa's not sharing CSI so he's getting coal instead of cookies.

"I'm sorry. You're what?" Sara was baffled.

"I'm absolutely terrified of you." Grissom stated.

"Well, I'm sorry. But I dont understand why you would be scared of me." Sara said, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Sara, when I'm with you, I can't think straight. I have the past half century becoming who I am and when I'm with you I forget it all. I have built this wall around my heart for a reason. It may sound funny but I am afraid of getting hurt. I saw how much love hurt my mother. I couldnt bare to hurt like that. To lie awake at night and cry. And what's worse is I would eternally hate myself if I did that to you." Gil confessed.

"Too late. I cant tell you the number of times I go home and cry and cry and cry wondering what I did to make you hate me so much. You realize, you never talk to me anymore?"

"We talk all the time." Grissom said softly.

"No... I talk, you nod. I guess what I dont understand is why you can let that wall down for that bone lady Terri or for Lady Heather of all people. Yet, I've known you for so long, and you cant even stand to look into my eyes." Sara said amazingly calm.

"They were different." He said standing up.

"DIFFERENT!?!??!" Sara screamed. "Why? Why would you open your heart to someone who doesnt even live here and travels all over the country when I LIVE here? Why did you want to be with that woman who practically sells herself to a hundred different guys when you know the only man I ever have and ever will want is you?" She collapsed on the couch again.

"Because I feel something for you I'm not used to feeling!" Grissom screamed back. Sara looked up shocked. "Why do you think I'm scared." He sat down beside her. "I thought I was safe from ever having to let anyone in. But when you showed up that day..."

"You called me." Sara said quietly.

"Yeah I did. I thought I was over what ever crush it was I had had on you all those years ago. But apparently I wasnt. And I cant help but want you more and more every day. And its killing me because I'm afraid if I let you in, you'll learn stuff about me that you dont like and you'll leave me. I couldnt handle it. It would literally kill me. I'm talking Doc Robbins clear a table and let me lay down. I need you in my life. Oxygen... Food... Water... Those stopped being priorities when you came back into my life. I need you more than anything. But I couldnt have you the way I wanted. That's why I stopped putting us on cases together. That's why I stopped talking to you so much... Because I was afraid I would let something slip out and I would regret it." Tears were streaming down his face. He threw his glasses onto the table and laid back against the couch.

"Why?" Sara asked. He looked at her confused. "Why would you regret it?"

"Because I can't be there for you forever. Because I may not be everything you need me to be...Because..."

"Do you have a pulse?" Sara interupted.

"Yes... Why?" Grissom asked slightly agitated. He was trying to open up and she was asking him A&P questions.

"Do you have arms to hold me with when the day has been to much or when its cold outside or just when I want to watch a sappy movie with someone?" She continued.

"Sara..." Gil began.

"Do you love me?" She looked directly into his eyes.

"What?" He asked.

"Do you" She stood up "love" she squatted down in front of him "me?"

"Sara.. I..."

"Yes or no Gil it's not a hard question."

"Yes. With every fiber of my being." Gil said putting his hands on her arms.

"Then you are everything I will ever need you to be."


	5. Walk with me

"How can you be so sure?" Asked a skeptical Grissom.

"When you love someone as much as I love you, you know." Sara said brushing his cheek with her hand. "Do you remember that day when I brushed your cheek like this? When I blamed it on chalk?" Sara asked smiling at the memory.

"I remember how bad I wanted to lean into your hand and kiss you." Grissom said, smiling.

"Why didnt you?" Sara asked.

"I... I dont remember." This was hard for him. But he managed. "Sara, you have no idea how many times I've wanted to kiss you or hug you or just wrap you up so tight in my arms that you knew no matter what that everything would be okay."

"The question still stands. Why didnt you?" Sara asked. They were holding hands at this point and Sara couldnt take her eyes off their interlocked fingers.

"Sara, you of all people know that I have a hard time showing my emotions to myself much less other people. And when there is a crowd around, it really bothers me. But the fact that I thought about it is a whole lot more than I usually do." He looked at his lap. He felt that if he looked away, the tears of embarassment would go away.

"Gil... Honey... Do you have any idea how hard it has been for me? Asking you out... Saying half of the things I've said to you in the past... And the chalk... Do you want to know what really happened when I brushed your cheek?" He looked up into her big brown eyes. "I saw that you were losing it. I could tell you were frustrated and upset and alone and I just had to make sure you knew I was there. It was like an instinctive thing I guess... I just reached out and before I knew it, my hand was on your face and I didnt want to move it... I wanted to hold your cheek forever just to make sure that you knew I was alive."

"Oh Sara... My darling sweet Sara... I knew you were alive. I hated the fact that I've been such a jerk. Please, let me make it up to you. Just tell me what I have to do..."

"2 things." She said with a smirk on her face.

"Just 2 things? Oh Sara, I have to do more than that. Just 2 things? YOu sure?" He asked.

"2 things. I want to be more than your best friend." She said, as she stood up.

"As long as you understand I'm not perfect and things cant go too fast." He said, standing up.

"Agreed. Second, I want you to walk with me to the break room."

"Sara, I was going to do that anyway." Grissom smiled thinking he had it all figured out.

"Not the way I wanted to." She smiled and grabbed his hand. "COme on." She smiled and they walked out. 


End file.
